Soulmates

This morning I got up to get a drink of water and then head back to bed. On my way to the kitchen I noticed my husband had bought me a coffee for when I woke up, little things like that remind me of how kind he truly is. I went to lay back in bed and couldn’t fall back asleep because I was thinking about how far we had come in the nearly 10 years we’ve been together. When I met him, I strongly felt I was jaded. I had been through short fling after short fling, and even my “serious” relationships had never lasted longer than 6-8 months. I was young but I was also scared. I remember laying in bed at night thinking there was something wrong with me because I always ended perfectly fine relationships. I was constantly chasing the high of a new relationship, once the spark went out, I ran. By 18 years old, I felt like a seasoned relationship escapist. I had friends in High School who I knew would marry the guy they had been dating since middle school. Meanwhile I thought I’d never be with someone long enough or trust someone enough, to get married at all.

The handful of times I could see a future with someone, they let me down in big ways. It really changed the way I viewed relationships and certainly contributed to the hurt I caused others who came after. In a seemingly normal relationship, I’d run at the first sign of trouble. I didn’t know how to love and maybe in some way thought I didn’t deserve it.

Dan came along when I had sworn off relationships, fresh out of yet another heartbreak. How he broke down those walls with such ease still remains a mystery to me. We met at a party at his brother’s house and we connected immediately. Despite my efforts to never see him again, I somehow found myself making room in my heart for him at any opportunity given. Things moved fast between us, unlike anything I have ever experienced. I loved him right away. When we found out I was pregnant I was terrified but I never for a second believed I was alone. He could have ran, he could have forfeited any and all responsibility, but instead he stayed and we fell deeper in love.

If someone had told me when things went sour with my ex, that my next relationship would wind up in marriage, I would have scoffed. By that point I truly believed I was meant to be alone and didn’t deserve to share my life with someone. It’s been almost 10 years, we have 3 beautiful children. I can’t say it has been perfect, but that has been mostly due to me, my old ways, and my old fears. Despite my efforts to sabotage myself, he has stuck by my side unlike anyone from my past and I realize now that my past relationships had to fall apart, for this one to fall into place.

I’m chubby

e6c645703087fde46dc18e3dd91e5e5c
Hi everyone! I’ve been pretty absent lately due to a plethora of crappy excuses I won’t bore you with but mostly health reasons. These health issues have taken such a toll on my mental health that I’ve allowed myself to be a lazy piece of trash for a whole month. So I gained 10lbs. It’s the most weight I’ve ever weighed in my life and I really want to work it off. I’ve already quit smoking back in December and that was supposed to be the first step towards my health goals and it ended up being the only step so far lol

I’ve heard people talking here and there about something called the Keto Diet. I’m intrigued. The concept is that you eat a high calorie, low carb diet that puts your body into ketosis, causing you to lose weight in a healthy way. I’m still learning about it myself but for some basic info to those who have never heard of it, I’ve been using this website as a beginner’s guide.

I really just wanted to post and update you all on what’s been going on with me but I hope in mentioning this, anyone with experience could reach out and give me some valuable advice. All advice is welcome as long as it’s constructive! Miss you, WordPress Community! Also, here’s a cute Chibi of me and my cat Soup, thanks to an awesome artist on deviantart.

woug2_by_wanpuccino-dc6zf5n

A Gif Story: Injury Edition

AHHHHH! Story time, I’m sitting here listening to The Last Podcast on The Left and felt like I should post something here and it’s been one hell of a week already so here we goooo!
K2Y9PFt

I was extremely sick a few days ago out of no where. Puking, fever, cold sweats, it was nasty and I felt disgusting. I didn’t want to show my face in public and spent the worst of it in my bed binge watching shows on Netflix in between bathroom trips to throw up everything I attempted to eat. I also couldn’t sleep because my body was in such agony, so I was mentally AND physically exhausted.
tenor (1)

The day after it passed I was feeling like a million bucks in comparison to the day before, so I was on the ball and getting my shit done around the house.  I was crushing it!

anigif_enhanced-12587-1400056496-6

I was walking into my spare room to light some incense, drop some essential oil into my burner, and pick out a book. I had just finished cleaning the house and was 100% ready to zen the fuck out.
tenor (2)

As I stepped through the doorway something happened, something we all dread, something inevitable, something that has happened to the best and worst of us.
200

My baby toe stubbed on the door frame! However, not only did it stub, it straight up CAUGHT on the door frame and the entirety of the rest of my body continued moving forward. Inertia 101 guys, objects in motion stay in motion, unless unbalanced forces interfere, my unbalanced force was that god damn baby toe catching on the door frame.
83625291

I face-planted onto the floor and spent the next 5 minutes writhing, still on the floor, in pain. I was pretty sure I heard something crack in my foot.
peter-skins-his-knee-family-guy

So yeah, it swelled up almost immediately. By that night it was black and blue across the top of my foot, leading from that toe. By the next day it was a worse looking mangled mess.
tumblr_njooeyArG81u1vo97o1_500

I can’t walk on it, so I’m limping. I can’t put my boots on so I haven’t left the house. I am going crazy ya’ll!!
tenor

But on the plus side, I have 2 weeks and 2 days in since I quit smoking.
giphy

I’m okay.. really..

tenor (3)

I quit smoking!

Screen Shot 2018-01-11 at 8.55.42 AM
Hey ya’ll! I got a notification saying it was my 5 year wordpress.com anniversary and it reminded me that I hadn’t blogged in a while.

I’ve honestly been pretty busy trying to keep my shit together. My holidays were amazing! I slept in almost every day, I didn’t know what day of the month it was let alone what day of the year, I wore pyjamas all day almost every day, I became one with the couch, I ate cheese and crackers way more times than I care to admit, I got asked if I was pregnant. “Nope, just fat” I replied, not even surprised. She is 6, so I let it slide.

I think the highlight of my break is that I quit smoking. I have 1 week and 4 days in and I’ve been keeping a daily journal just to jot down my symptoms, feelings, thoughts. I’ve found it easier than in the past though, I guess because I’m really ready this time. However, my journal would tell a different story lol I struggled with horrible withdrawal symptoms in the beginning so my journal is basically me whining every day about how awful it is. Even though at the time I was using the patch, I didn’t get any sleep, I was nauseated, cranky, and sweaty all the time. I’m not sure if it was a hormonal thing or withdrawal thing or a disgusting and inconvenient combination of both.

Since I ran out of the patch, I’ve been using regular gum and sometimes Nicorette. Usually regular gum unless I’m having a bad craving. When it’s the physical stim of holding a cigarette that I miss, I just grab a pen, pencil, paintbrush, or some other writing/art tool, and start doodling. I’ve drawn the alphabet multiple times in various styles. I’ve also painted the alphabet multiple times in various styles as well lol Somehow it helps.

I find the only symptom I am left with now is fatigue. I’ve been out of my medication for ADHD for a while and need my prescription renewed, so that might be part of it. But I am so flipping tired ALL THE TIME. I love sleep, I could sleep all day if I was allowed. Even as I’m writing this, it’s only 9AM, I am on my second coffee and I can barely keep my eyes open. So with that being said, I’m going to finish this coffee and snag a nap while I can still get away with it. Wish me luck!

Come at me 2018!

Well folks, another year has come and gone and I can’t say I’m sad to see it go. When I reflect on 2017 there’s little I recall fondly. My personal life wasn’t terrible but the world as a whole was hurting and as an empath, I spent a lot of my time feeling sad on the behalf of others. I did get to experience some personal growth and challenged myself to do new and intimidating things. I did so with success. I flew across the ocean with my best friend and visited two countries on a completely different continent from my own. Beautiful England and lively Ireland. I would definitely say this trip was the highlight of my 2017. I got to meet my best online friend Emily after years and years, and we spent a few days with her at her quaint little flat in London. The culture and vibe in both London and Dublin was intoxicating, I can see why they’re such favourable tourist destinations. I can’t wait to go back, preferably with my partner in tow. He’d absolutely love Ireland, especially since so much of our ancestry originated there.

My year was filled with lessons and some I learned and some I undoubtedly missed. New year’s day was the first Full Moon of the year and it was also a super moon (at one point it had a rainbow around it). I went to my cousin’s to spend the evening reflecting on our past year together. We burned candles, incense, and smudged sage. We did a Year ahead Tarot spread each, we did tea readings, we discussed our goals moving into the new year. We made little brooms with bells and anointed the gifts we exchanged by smudging them, rubbing them with Frankincense oil, and putting them in the full super moon. She made a herb blend to burn while focusing her intent on the year ahead while I made an oil blend. Then in true “us” fashion we snuggled up in bed and laughed at memes. Here are a few photos from our night!

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Finally, my “resolutions”. I’m on day 2 of not smoking in the new year, it’s an ambitious goal but I really want to quit and I hope if I really really want to quit, that will be enough to keep me away from it.

Besides that I just wish to learn as much as possible in the new year. Be more positive, work on my skills and hobbies, and indulge in the things I enjoy.

Happy New Year everyone!

 

My $13 Herb Box.

Good evening guys!! I did this a few weeks ago but was super lazy about posting about it. I was really excited about the project and knew eventually I’d share so the day has finally come at long last. (Well a few weeks later lol)

A while back I was looking on Etsy at Wiccan herb boxes and I really loved the idea of having something to keep my herbs organized in a really tasteful way instead of just having a buttload of bottles askew on my dresser. I found one on Etsy that was around $80 for a glass top tea box with various herbs included and I showed my cousin / close friend Amy to see if she thought it was worth the price. Of course regardless of the price, someone put time and effort into it and deserves to put whatever price on it they wish, but Amy reminded me that I am a creative and capable person and I could make one myself for a lot cheaper. I was skeptical at first but I knew she was right so I decided to keep my eyes peeled for a suitable box.

I ended up going into Michael’s with my bestie Sahtera for some supplies for her wreath making business and I spotted a glass top tea box for only $13.99. Boom. I was ecstatic because I already had the herbs to fill it and didn’t need to spend any more than that and this one was bigger than the one on Etsy and even included a drawer.

Screen Shot 2017-12-14 at 5.12.32 PM
I also bought the two pendants you see on top of it but that’s irrelevant. (But also they were only $5 so get your butts to Michael’s!!).

ANYWAY, I had plans to paint the box but I really preferred the look of a dark wood stain, it just felt more natural for what I was trying to accomplish. While this box was meant to be for storing herbs, I still had an aesthetic in mind.

I didn’t have any wood stain so I had to get creative and spent days googling, pinteresting, and youtubing various DIY wood stain methods. The only one that would achieve the look I wanted with the supplies I already had on hand, was coffee grounds.

I literally took a spoonful of Folger’s Instant Coffee and added a few drops of warm water. I stirred it until the grounds had dissolved and I was left with a nearly black syrup-y liquid. I was extremely hesitant to use this because I was worried it would dry sticky, or mold, or spontaneously combust, you know the usual irrational fears we have when trying something new. I applied it with a paint brush and it actually dried quite quickly. I covered it with an acrylic clear coat to protect it and oh my gossssh, it looks gorgeous ya’ll.

25400619_1947760268806051_1794312137_o

25397828_1947760295472715_1343077579_o
My essential oils and herb bottles fit perfectly inside and hell even my smudging sage fit!

So for $13 and a little time and love, I ended up with something I actually like better than the $80 version I thought was out of my area of creative expertise. Long story short, try the thing even if the thing seems daunting.

Blessed be!

DIY: All Natural Wax Melts

So after my adventures with lip balm I was left with a giant brick of beeswax and not a whole lot to do with it. I was itching to use it and had just run out of melts for my warmer and it just dawned on me that I could easily make my own. So I did! These are fantastic for personal use or as a gift for a loved one. You can personalize them to your liking using whatever scents you prefer.

It’s easy as pie and only requires 3 ingredients and minimal tools.

Screen Shot 2017-12-13 at 12.55.39 PM
Ingredients:
– Pure beeswax
– Coconut Oil
– Essential Oils

Tools:
– An empty wax melt mold or a silicone mold
– A microwave safe dish
– A funnel or spout measuring cup for clean pouring

Measurements:
– 1/4 cup of beeswax pellets or grated beeswax
– 2 tbsp of coconut oil
– 20-30 drops of essential oil
Instructions:
1. Combine 1/4 cup of beeswax pellets or grated beeswax with 2 table spoons of coconut oil in your microwave safe bowl.

2. Pop them in the microwave and melt them on 10-20 second intervals, checking repeatedly to ensure it’s melted.

3. Once your mixture is completely melted, add in 20-30 drops of the essential oil of your choice. I used Lavender for my test batch and it smelled fantastic!

4. Gently stir the mixture and then pour into the mold.
5. Carefully tap the mold on the counter/table to release any air pockets

6. Allow it to cool, you can do this at room temperature or in the fridge for faster cooling

7. Once they’ve completely hardened, pop them out of the mold and voila!

You can store this in a cute mason jar or container but be sure to store them in a cool, dry, place.