The Scribbler lives!

So it’s been a hot minute since I’ve really updated my blog, minus a few random ramblings here and there and if I’m being honest, I really miss blogging! I’ve had a pretty crazy year so far and I have so much to fill everyone in on but I’m going to do it in bits and pieces because it’s going to take some time. Off the top of my head I can tell you I went to Europe, my kids are growing and doing all kinds of cool and funny shit, I went back on medication for my ADHD for the first time since I was like 17-18, I was diagnosed with a gross thing called Endometriosis, I mean this year has been something else!

The most important thing is I’m back and I renewed my domain with a new fresh name! I was going by The Super Scribbler under the domain katlynblair.com because thescribbler.ca was unavailable back then. LOW AND BEHOLD! It’s available now, I snagged it, it’s miiiiine.

*Cuts Ribbon*

Welcome to the new and improved blog, hold onto your panties ya’ll, I’m back!

Being Free

For a long time I thought that having children meant saying goodbye to your social life. I thought that was a sacrifice all good Moms made. I think I convinced myself of that because I was slowly submitting to my social anxiety and I wanted to justify it. However, using your children as an excuse for your lack of a social life is, in my opinion, synonymous with blaming them. My kids if anything, made me capable of being a better friend to someone. They taught me to be patient and embrace my silly side. They’ve taught me to be myself and love myself, I try every day to see myself through their eyes. It’s not always easy, but on the days that I do, I love myself beyond words. I discovered I connect better with other Moms because they understand how my life is prioritized. But now I am allowing myself to make friends without feeling guilty about it, I owe it to myself and to my children to be happy, because how can they learn to love themselves if they are raised by someone who can’t love herself? If you’re like I was and you find yourself with no friends, free yourself. Go out. Make friends. Even if it betrays your comfort, you will thank me.

When in doubt, bath it out.

Woah look! I’m still here. I’ve been very preoccupied with my current escapades, as usual. I am one of those people who changes hobbies more than I shower. In the blink of an eye I could go from hardcore knitting queen to a spanish speaking artist to sitting at a desk sewing clothing designs. I always seek to develop new interests, things that make me happy and there is nothing wrong with that! I find as I get older I care less about what people think of me and more about just doing what I love and it turns out that I really love a lot of things. I feel like I have learned and retained so much more since I was 18 than I ever did in School (Probably not but that’s certainly how it seems.)

So anyway, I’ve been really enjoying painting (still) and that’s where my attention has been for the last little while. But I actually wanted to talk about things that make me calm, my happy place. I love sitting in my bedroom (when it’s clean, that’s the best lol) and painting on a nice fresh canvas. The best times are when my husband is laying in bed on his laptop. Even though we’re not talking, his presence is comforting. Then when I finish up for the night, I love to hop into a hot bath with some epsom salts or a bath bomb and wash the paint from my nails. I feel like acrylic paint never completely comes off but somehow I love that. It makes me feel artsy. While I’m bathing I love to close my eyes and meditate. Sometimes I like to day dream and imagine myself and my kids in some beautiful place far from here, with gorgeous mountains and a light breeze, it’s pretty cheesy to be honest but that.. that is my happy place and I try to go there as often as possible to keep myself stress free and happy! What is your happy place?
via New Post — WordPress.com.

“I’m so sorry, that must be really hard.”

One of my biggest pet peeves has to be when people find out I am 23 and have three kids, then immediately following, I watch them scramble to scrape their judgmental jaw off the floor. I can’t even keep track of all the instances I have heard people say “Oh wow, that’s really rough.” or “I’m so sorry, that must be really hard.”… Let me get this straight, you are apologizing to me, for me having children? There was a time where having a big family was perfectly socially acceptable; sometime between then and now, it changed. I have been called crazy, stupid, and even white trash, for choosing to raise children over any other options I was given. Since when was being a parent a bad thing?

I made three beautiful little humans and I don’t regret a single one of them. People always ask me why I didn’t use protection after the first time (nevermind how absolutely rude that is) and I am always so confused as to why they would think I didn’t want multiple children. Our first may not have been planned, our second was a “if it happens it happens” baby, and our third was planned so precisely that I micro-managed our sex life. But I can say with 100% sincerity that I do not regret any of them and each of them were definitely wanted.

My kids are the best decision I ever made. You know how some people are good at shit like singing, painting, playing instruments, or sports? I am good at being a Mom. I am reeeeeally good at it. Despite the fact that people express absolute shock over me being a young Mom with three kids, I also get compliments in abundance on how wonderful, polite, and just all around great, my kids are. That’s because of my husband and I, WE DID THAT. I am 23 years old and I am raising three amazing little humans. Some day they will grow up and I will encourage them to make their own choices about their lives. If my daughter tells me she wants to be a Mom, she can be a Mom. If my sons tell me they want to be Dads, they can be Dads. If they don’t want kids, I’m not going to pressure them! They can have as many children as they and their future spouse desire because ultimately it’s not up to me or anyone else to dictate that. Big families can be wonderfully rewarding and I would love for them to experience that, but if that’s not what they want, I’m cool with that. Because it’s none of my business.

So if you’re that person, the one that feels sorry for young Moms or Dads with multiple children, please think before you say something stupid. Just stop and think to yourself, “You know, maybe lots of kids aren’t for me, but perhaps this parent loves their lifestyle”. Instead of making a backhanded compliment, straight up compliment them or say nothing at all. Because at the end of the day, maybe being a parent is just what that person is good at and they love the shit out of it.

QLEyJ

katlynblair.com lives!

I have always wanted my own domain and guess what, I have one now! Instead of typing a hot-mess of words into your url bar, you can now simply search katlynblair.com to visit my website! YAY! I have to edit my banner and all that fun stuff now because the link has changed but ahh! *dances*

What kind of Mother will you be when your children are adults?

They are grown, they are independent, they may live on their own, marry, have their own children. So naturally your relationship with your kids will change and your role in their life will change. The fact is, they still need us as adults, but in a different way. Below are a list of things I vow to my children as adults, in regards to the Mother I will be then. (Keep in mind these are written from recent personal experience and may not relate to anyone in your life, but still are things that matter!)

1) My Children owe me nothing.
My children did not ask to be brought into this world and they did not ask to be raised by me or anyone for that matter. I am the one who chose to clothe and feed them and spend money on them during their life thus far. I vow to never make my children feel like they owe me anything. I’ll never use the line “I clothed and fed you for x amount of years!” or “Think of all the money I have spent on you in your life time and you can’t do this one thing for me!?” or “After all I have done for you growing up!” Your children do not OWE you anything. I’m not saying acknowledgement and gratitude is bad. I’m saying this should never be used as a tool to guilt, manipulate, or shame your children to get your own way.

2) I will let them move on.
If my sons become husbands some day. I will let them put that woman/man before me without guilting them or acting like I am entitled to more affection than their partner just because I am their Mother. My son chose that person to spend the rest of his life with and I will respect that because I love my children unconditionally. I can take pride in knowing I raised them to make their partner their priority.

3) I will not be jealous of in-laws.
From my experience, it’s quite common for a daughter to remain close to their Mother in their adult years while her husband might not be as close to his own Mother. He might lean towards his wife’s family a bit more because his wife is #1 to him, and that is a good thing. I will just hope that family loves and respects him and embraces him as a true family member. My Grandma always told me this old saying which I have found to be incredibly accurate in my life: “A son is a son ’til he takes him a wife. A daughters a daughter the rest of her life.”

4) My children will always be my priority.
This is one thing that applies now and forever. My children will always, always, come before myself. Their needs will come before my own because I love than more than I love myself. If I am down to my last dollar and one of my sons is in need, I will give it to him. I will always drop everything to be there for them when they need me because ultimately we should never stop being a Mom to them just because they are adults.

5) I will respect them.
I will treat my sons not as children, but as adult equals. I will respect them, their home, their spouse, their children, and any decisions they make as long as it’s not extremely harmful to them. If I know something will hurt them, I won’t do it out of respect for them. Parents do not automatically earn respect just because we gave birth to them. Again it goes back to them not owing us anything. I will respect my children in every way so that they might respect me back.

6) I will not over step my boundaries.
If I have advice to offer, I will only offer it where it’s wanted. I won’t step on toes to get the results I want. Whether that’s regarding their love life, or even how they raise their own children. I need to let them make their own decisions and sometimes that will mean they learn the hard way, but I’ll rest easy knowing I let them make their own choices and their own mistakes.

7) I will celebrate their accomplishments.
I will not miss anything (Unless I shit the bucket and die of course lol). Birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, promotion at work, birth of a child, baby shower, wedding, engagements, new occupation/career paths, or just anything my child is proud of. I will always celebrate with them so that they know I care about things that make them happy and that I am always going to be proud of them.

8) I will make sure that they know they are loved.
I never want my children to question my love for them. If I died tomorrow, I’d want them to know how much they mean to me, so I vow to always show them, not just through words, but actions. I don’t want to leave even a slight trace of doubt in their minds about this.

9) I will respect their space.
As much as I want them to know I love them and to be involved in their lives. I also want them to know that their privacy is safe and I will not stick my foot in the door if they try to close it. I won’t suffocate them or harass them with phone calls every day to see if they’re still alive. I won’t guilt them for not coming to see me often if they can’t, because that’s their decision, which I will respect, as stated above. Also sometimes you just CAN’T see people as much as you’d like to, have you seen gas prices? Shiiiit.

10) I will encourage them to put their family first.
By family.. I mean their partner, children, their brothers/sisters. Basically anyone but myself. I think it’s very important for my two sons to remain close and always be there for each other. Be kind to one another, be good uncles and fathers, and stick together through thick and thin. Put each other, and their family (wife/husband, kids) before people like myself who cannot be there 24/7.

That all being said, these are things I just personally hold close to me through my own experiences as a wife and how I wish people in my life would treat their children. Maybe these will hit home for you, maybe they won’t. But I hope either way anyone reading can take something from this and possibly apply it to their own life somehow.