Geocaching and enjoying nature!

Lately it’s been getting really bitter and cold out with Winter approaching. I struggle with my mental health during the colder months and tend to isolate myself because being inside and being warm feels a lot better than being cold and miserable. We’ve had some days that reached around 3C but most days are below 0 now. It’s been really difficult for me already and it’s only going to get colder. Today was weird, I stepped outside and it was 12C!! Usually we only get this warmth when it’s raining and there’s not a lot we can do in the rain, but the sun was shining. My husband took the kids out to play ball hockey in the driveway while I poked around in the woods behind our house. Eventually we decided the weather was too nice to stay home and we packed the kids into the jeep to head to the Wetlands Nature Trails for some fresh air and nature therapy!

As soon as we hit the trail we noticed a tiny painted stone sitting near one of the wood carvings. I told my husband I had heard about people putting these painted rocks around town for people to find and we agreed it was a really neat concept, like a massive easter egg hunt. It reminded me of Geocaching, which has a similar concept, if you haven’t heard of Geocaching, pleeeeease do yourself a solid and check out Geocaching.com! So yeah, we decided to see if any Geocaches were hidden in the area while we were there and sure enough there was one listed further in the trail, so we punched it into the GPS and made our way there. Along the way we noticed more of these painted rocks, the kids were going crazy for them, keeping points for each one they found, admiring them for a minute, and then putting them back for others to enjoy.

We had to go into the woods off the trail to find the Geocache but luckily it was an easy find and I spotted it just as hubby walked past. It was tucked inside a cute old tree stump and was in really good condition! Hopefully this cache will be around for a few good years. We left something and took a small homemade heart. Then we set out to finish the trail. By the end of our walk we had found at least thirty or more of these painted stones, it was an absolutely fantastic day!

A letter to my past.

Dearest little Katlyn,

I know you feel alienated because you have ADHD. You’ve been excluded, humiliated, and patronized by some of your own Teachers because you’re considered a “problem” or a “disruption”. You’re not a disruption, you’re just different. You don’t need to change who you are for them to be able to teach, they need to change the way they teach for you to be able to learn. Teachers are always going to put you in a tiny box with a bunch of other kids who are nothing like you and they are going to expect you to conform. I’m here to tell you that you will try to conform many times over your school years and you will fail. The reason you fail isn’t because there’s something tragically wrong with you like you will tell yourself as you lay awake at night, you will fail because you’re not meant to conform, you’re just different and you learn in a different way. 

I want you to know that fitting in and having boyfriends is not as important as you think it is. Being socially accepted by your peers is not important right now. You don’t need to treat people badly to make yourself feel better, stop that, okay? It doesn’t make you look cool, it makes you a bully. There’s a reason you feel bad afterwards, that’s because it’s wrong and I’m telling you now, it’s going to happen to you and it will be the hardest thing you’ll ever go through.

Which brings me to my third plea, please don’t let people walk on you, Katlyn. It doesn’t have to be an “if you can’t beat ’em join ’em” situation. If people treat you badly stop giving them the time of day, your time is valuable and so are you. Don’t waste it on people who couldn’t give two shits about you. You will not still be friends with them in 5 years, trust me on that. 

You also don’t need to try drugs, I’ll just go ahead and let you know it’s not that great. Dodge that bullet. Experience isn’t everything! 

Lastly, if all else fails because you’ll never read this and you’ll do literally everything I said not to, you can rest easy knowing that your life will turn out amazing. You’re going to grow up quickly because you’re going to suddenly be super responsible for someone really important but I won’t say who! But you are going to be strong, beautiful, and kind. You’re going to learn from all the things you did wrong and you’re going to accept that you will never fit the mold and you’re going to grow to love that about yourself. You’ll realize there are people in your life who love that about you as well. 

Ps. Eyebrows=good. Shaving them=BAD 

P.s.s. Leave your hair alone.

Peace out Sailor scout!

Future Katlyn

When you visit our home..

I WROTE THIS A YEAR AGO?! My how time has flown and how nothing has changed. If anything my house is even more chaotic now that Paisley is mobile. 😀

the scribbler

When you open up the door to our home, you’ll likely have to give a little extra shove to get it open. That’s because the doorway is a plethora of shoes for every season, just kicked off in a hurry as we got home. After being away all day or for the night, nothing feels better than coming home.

Once you step inside, if you look straight ahead there’s a wall with a painted picture on a slab of wood that says “Home Sweet Home” with a little red cottage on it, and a sweet home it truly is. To your left you’ll see a fairly vacant hallway, vacant aside from the little white and green potty that sits directly across from the bathroom. We’re potty training a toddler, so forgive us if it seems a little bit of an odd place for a potty. Down that hall you will also…

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Shy or Anxious?

The last few times I have taken Braden to school, he has really struggled with me leaving. He stands alone on the playground staring at me as I walk away. Of course, my heart will not let me leave when I see him like this, so I turn around and go back, every time. I usually encourage him to find his classmates, talk to some kids he doesn’t know, introduce himself to them, wait for a turn on the slide, etc. He tells me he’d rather stand where he is. Eventually I asked some other child who looked bored and alone if he’d like to go talk to Braden. He did. So I left once I saw them chatting. The stranger boy was chatting happily while Braden stood there looking nervous and confused.

As I walked home I asked myself,  “Did I unintentionally pass my social anxiety on to my son?”.
Since he was young I didn’t really have him out and about around other children. He’s always been used to being around only his Mom, Dad, Brother, and Sister. He’s got friends but they aren’t all at school with him. I understand he’s shy and being shy and having social anxiety are not the same thing. So I am trying to gauge which of the two he really is. He seems to get really sad and uncomfortable when he is in social situations, so that makes me lean towards anxiety. However, sometimes he tells me he is fine. Sometimes he flat out says “I’m just shy.”

Regardless, I think school will be good for him. He is slowly coming out of his little shell and I have absolutely learned my lesson. Chase starts school next September, I will absolutely be getting him used to being around other Children well beforehand and the same goes for Paisley. I don’t want to hinder them with my own socially awkward tendencies. Ultimately it’s not fair for me to force my behaviours on them and deprive them of a social life just because I don’t want to leave the house.

Please send positive vibes to Braden as he continues on his journey! 🙂

Embracing the blisters.

I didn’t want to wake up this morning… Fall is here and despite it being my favourite season of them all, the air was frigid and cold and I didn’t want to leave my warm bed. I had to take Braden to school and I laid there cursing his school for not letting him take the bus. It wasn’t fair that I had to walk to his school with three small children straggling on and behind me back and forth, back and forth, multiple times a day. I just wanted to lay in bed and be warm, get up when I wanted, drink a nice hot coffee, watch Netflix, and just be lazy.

Then for a split second, this little voice in my head that I have cleverly nicknamed “reason”, reminded me that there are millions of children out there who would walk MILES to get an education. In fact there are probably children in this cruel world who do walk miles to get their education. I felt ashamed of myself and my first world problems. I pulled my ass out of bed and walked that child to school because he is incredibly privileged to live in a Country where education is easily accessible and I have absolutely no right to abuse that privilege by complaining or making him skip school. I had blistered heels from my boots and I was panting like a dog by the time I got back, but that’s really a very small price to pay for your child to be given such a wonderful gift that so many other children in the world desperately crave. I will gladly take a few moments of laboured breathing and a blister on my heel, for my son to have an education.

Since 1999 the amount of children out of school has dropped from a staggering 106 million, to 60 million. But think about that, there are 60 million children out there being denied something we often take for granted, something so crucial, that should be a basic human right. Education.

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Think and wonder, wonder and think.

Last night I walked sweaty palmed and red faced into a room full of strangers, half of which looked as nervous as I was. Some looked scared, some were sweating, others had hands that couldn’t stop shaking, while some seemed confident, bored, or just over it. The Kindergarten teacher greeted us all at the door as we entered and directed us to little tiny desks with our childrens’ names on them. I found “Braden” right at the front of the class. I immediately wondered if this would always be his spot or if it was random just for the Open House. I looked around the room and saw little everything. Little chairs, little tables, little bookshelves. Fit for a five year old. Fit for Braden. I sat there trying to pay attention to the information his teacher was giving the parents but my brain was melting. My little baby, my first born, would be sitting in this classroom in a week. Without me! Learning to read, write, make friends, and heaps of other things I was unable to teach him myself. I was so overwhelmed I had to keep reminding myself to stop shaking. When she said we could leave, I was the first one out the door, maybe even the building. I fled like a bat out of hell. My anxiety coupled with the fact that my son was starting school had me an absolute wreck. I know he is ready and I am so, so, proud of him. But it’s so hard for me to let him go. People keep telling me “that’s life.”, “he’ll be fine!”, “every kid goes to school, you’re not the only one feeling this way”, and while they are ALL right, that does not make it any easier. I have so many worries and concerns. Did I teach him enough? Did I prepare him enough? What if he gets bullied? What if he loses sight of who he is? I guess these are things we all ask ourselves.

After a nearly sleepless night, I woke up feeling reassured. He will be fine. I have to have faith that Daniel and I taught him enough to prepare him for this next step in his journey. Braden, if by chance you can read this within the next few years, I want you to know that no matter how much I might cry next week, it’s not because school is scary, it’s because watching you grow up is scary. I know some day you will shy away from my hugs, or make me drop you off around the corner, and that’s okay. As long as you let me cry on this day.

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My best friend is coming home!

My best friend, husband, partner in crime, and better half, will be home tonight around 3AM. I don’t know how I am going to sleep, or function! I am so happy to see him. He was only gone for two weeks but that’s two weeks too long for me. When you’re watching the shows you usually enjoy together, alone. Then you say something about it and realize you’re talking to yourself. When you’re laying in bed and there’s a big empty space where he’s supposed to be, or one less plate at supper time. When you think about how someone you kiss every single day, multiple times a day, hasn’t kissed you in TWO WEEKS. It’s all so overwhelming. I am so ready for him to be back, time to hit the grind and clean this house before he sees the mess we’ve made of it, though 😛