Soulmates

This morning I got up to get a drink of water and then head back to bed. On my way to the kitchen I noticed my husband had bought me a coffee for when I woke up, little things like that remind me of how kind he truly is. I went to lay back in bed and couldn’t fall back asleep because I was thinking about how far we had come in the nearly 10 years we’ve been together. When I met him, I strongly felt I was jaded. I had been through short fling after short fling, and even my “serious” relationships had never lasted longer than 6-8 months. I was young but I was also scared. I remember laying in bed at night thinking there was something wrong with me because I always ended perfectly fine relationships. I was constantly chasing the high of a new relationship, once the spark went out, I ran. By 18 years old, I felt like a seasoned relationship escapist. I had friends in High School who I knew would marry the guy they had been dating since middle school. Meanwhile I thought I’d never be with someone long enough or trust someone enough, to get married at all.

The handful of times I could see a future with someone, they let me down in big ways. It really changed the way I viewed relationships and certainly contributed to the hurt I caused others who came after. In a seemingly normal relationship, I’d run at the first sign of trouble. I didn’t know how to love and maybe in some way thought I didn’t deserve it.

Dan came along when I had sworn off relationships, fresh out of yet another heartbreak. How he broke down those walls with such ease still remains a mystery to me. We met at a party at his brother’s house and we connected immediately. Despite my efforts to never see him again, I somehow found myself making room in my heart for him at any opportunity given. Things moved fast between us, unlike anything I have ever experienced. I loved him right away. When we found out I was pregnant I was terrified but I never for a second believed I was alone. He could have ran, he could have forfeited any and all responsibility, but instead he stayed and we fell deeper in love.

If someone had told me when things went sour with my ex, that my next relationship would wind up in marriage, I would have scoffed. By that point I truly believed I was meant to be alone and didn’t deserve to share my life with someone. It’s been almost 10 years, we have 3 beautiful children. I can’t say it has been perfect, but that has been mostly due to me, my old ways, and my old fears. Despite my efforts to sabotage myself, he has stuck by my side unlike anyone from my past and I realize now that my past relationships had to fall apart, for this one to fall into place.

A Gif Story: Injury Edition

AHHHHH! Story time, I’m sitting here listening to The Last Podcast on The Left and felt like I should post something here and it’s been one hell of a week already so here we goooo!
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I was extremely sick a few days ago out of no where. Puking, fever, cold sweats, it was nasty and I felt disgusting. I didn’t want to show my face in public and spent the worst of it in my bed binge watching shows on Netflix in between bathroom trips to throw up everything I attempted to eat. I also couldn’t sleep because my body was in such agony, so I was mentally AND physically exhausted.
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The day after it passed I was feeling like a million bucks in comparison to the day before, so I was on the ball and getting my shit done around the house.  I was crushing it!

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I was walking into my spare room to light some incense, drop some essential oil into my burner, and pick out a book. I had just finished cleaning the house and was 100% ready to zen the fuck out.
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As I stepped through the doorway something happened, something we all dread, something inevitable, something that has happened to the best and worst of us.
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My baby toe stubbed on the door frame! However, not only did it stub, it straight up CAUGHT on the door frame and the entirety of the rest of my body continued moving forward. Inertia 101 guys, objects in motion stay in motion, unless unbalanced forces interfere, my unbalanced force was that god damn baby toe catching on the door frame.
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I face-planted onto the floor and spent the next 5 minutes writhing, still on the floor, in pain. I was pretty sure I heard something crack in my foot.
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So yeah, it swelled up almost immediately. By that night it was black and blue across the top of my foot, leading from that toe. By the next day it was a worse looking mangled mess.
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I can’t walk on it, so I’m limping. I can’t put my boots on so I haven’t left the house. I am going crazy ya’ll!!
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But on the plus side, I have 2 weeks and 2 days in since I quit smoking.
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I’m okay.. really..

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I got a new laptop so I can blog like a normal person!

Ahhh finally! It’s been a really long time coming, the one I was using previously had really seen better days. It was missing keys, couldn’t be used without being plugged into a power source, I had to squeeze and crack the casing every single time I opened it to get the touch pad to work, and it felt like it was giving my thighs 2nd degree burns. Needless to say it was time to take the ole thing out behind the barn and- you know the rest. My amazing partner greeted me at lunch today with an early Christmas gift, it’s a MacBook Air. I am really familiar with Apple products as I have an iPhone, iPad, and my desktop setup is an iMac. So it was immediately comfortable for me! I am really excited to be able to blog and work and nerd out without wanting to hurl myself into oncoming traffic out of pure frustration! It’s really tiny and feels a bit like holding a newborn baby for the first time but I think I’ll get used to that. Happy Christmas to meeee!

The main reason for the new laptop was because blogging on a dinosaur is extremely challenging and discouraging. It went from being an emotional outlet to the source of most of my stress lol Sometimes I felt like a caveman trying to work that old thing. We also finally replaced the broken keyboard on the iMac so that will be useable again!

I’ve been working on organizing my life both physically and mentally and somehow this feels like a small victory. We cleaned our basement so we could utilize all the space we have down there for a home office, play space, reading nook or what have you. I revived the blog, I cleaned out our spare closet to make room for craft supplies for the kiddos, I cleaned out the spare bedroom to make my own sacred space more comfortable, we created a more structured routine for the kids, and I’m staying on top of my ADHD and being a more productive version of myself thanks to a combination of medication and motivation. So here’s to fresh starts, whether it’s Spring cleaning in the fall, replacing your old junkie electronics, or just focusing on the power of positive intent and striving towards positive changes in your life! Cheers.