“I’m so sorry, that must be really hard.”

One of my biggest pet peeves has to be when people find out I am 23 and have three kids, then immediately following, I watch them scramble to scrape their judgmental jaw off the floor. I can’t even keep track of all the instances I have heard people say “Oh wow, that’s really rough.” or “I’m so sorry, that must be really hard.”… Let me get this straight, you are apologizing to me, for me having children? There was a time where having a big family was perfectly socially acceptable; sometime between then and now, it changed. I have been called crazy, stupid, and even white trash, for choosing to raise children over any other options I was given. Since when was being a parent a bad thing?

I made three beautiful little humans and I don’t regret a single one of them. People always ask me why I didn’t use protection after the first time (nevermind how absolutely rude that is) and I am always so confused as to why they would think I didn’t want multiple children. Our first may not have been planned, our second was a “if it happens it happens” baby, and our third was planned so precisely that I micro-managed our sex life. But I can say with 100% sincerity that I do not regret any of them and each of them were definitely wanted.

My kids are the best decision I ever made. You know how some people are good at shit like singing, painting, playing instruments, or sports? I am good at being a Mom. I am reeeeeally good at it. Despite the fact that people express absolute shock over me being a young Mom with three kids, I also get compliments in abundance on how wonderful, polite, and just all around great, my kids are. That’s because of my husband and I, WE DID THAT. I am 23 years old and I am raising three amazing little humans. Some day they will grow up and I will encourage them to make their own choices about their lives. If my daughter tells me she wants to be a Mom, she can be a Mom. If my sons tell me they want to be Dads, they can be Dads. If they don’t want kids, I’m not going to pressure them! They can have as many children as they and their future spouse desire because ultimately it’s not up to me or anyone else to dictate that. Big families can be wonderfully rewarding and I would love for them to experience that, but if that’s not what they want, I’m cool with that. Because it’s none of my business.

So if you’re that person, the one that feels sorry for young Moms or Dads with multiple children, please think before you say something stupid. Just stop and think to yourself, “You know, maybe lots of kids aren’t for me, but perhaps this parent loves their lifestyle”. Instead of making a backhanded compliment, straight up compliment them or say nothing at all. Because at the end of the day, maybe being a parent is just what that person is good at and they love the shit out of it.

QLEyJ

8 thoughts on ““I’m so sorry, that must be really hard.”

  1. Katlyn, I knew all along that you were a strong woman and an amazing mother. What I had no idea about was that you’re such a phenomenal writer! Kudos to you, for your courage strength and wonderful literary skills. I aspire to be a write also but lack the time and dedication, and also the skill level you posses! You’re doing a great job mama, xo!

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  2. Am I allowed to say ‘wow that’s brave!’? Cos it seriously is. I have one and that’s about all the hard work I can manage. Three for anyone at any age is admirable. Its fantastic to be so sure of yourself.

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    1. Oh absolutely. I think the kicker in the situations I mentioned is that usually, the person saying it doesn’t have kids themself. I certainly do have overwhelming days, but it’s not something I ever expect or want someone to apologize to me for lol

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      1. Lol. I hate it when people who don’t have kids comment on parenting! They have no idea. I would take a thousand times more hard work if it means I get to feel this kind of love! You just can’t imagine it if you don’t have a kid.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I have to say as a 39 year old mother of 3, you’ve done it the right way around. I’m exhausted, women my age should be looking after teenagers not toddlers! Culturally though it seems like it’s more acceptable to have kids later after a career etc, but actually why is that better? I’d be better off if I was to restart a career in my late twenties than late thirties, a nearly 40 year old woman is much less employable than a nearly thirty year old woman.
    Apart from all that, looking after small kids is physically exhausting! You’ll be in a much better position than us old gals to be able to keep up with them.

    Health and happiness to you and your family! Sounds like you’re doing a great job!

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